it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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