so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
