I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
