It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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