My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
