marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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