When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
