your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
