If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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