do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
