even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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