i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
