Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
