hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
