I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
