I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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