I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
