just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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