great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
