i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
