I hate your face
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
