That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We left the knife in your bed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
