Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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