I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
