I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
