$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
