It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
