I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
