i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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