Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
