I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
