How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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