Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
