So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
