Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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