now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
