Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
