It's Friday. Sex?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
