She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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