We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
