Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
