Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
