Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
