The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
