are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
youre lurking in front of me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
