Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she peed on how many people?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
