Just cropdusted the office
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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