You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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