oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
