she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
