Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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