He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this just has baby written all over it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
